AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD (FUNNY)
Jun 20, 2013 8:05:00 GMT -5
bullardino, deafpanzer, and 1 more like this
Post by thenylongag on Jun 20, 2013 8:05:00 GMT -5
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important
message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to
actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket..
The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..
my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a
Combat Marine inAfghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom
Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder
holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with
crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I
made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented
you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I
explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up
my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on
your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took
153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy
outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.
[That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at
the curb ...... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office
and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while
he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this
type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather
immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity
to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to
pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good
day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important
message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to
actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket..
The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..
my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a
Combat Marine inAfghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom
Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder
holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with
crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I
made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented
you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I
explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up
my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on
your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took
153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy
outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.
[That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at
the curb ...... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office
and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while
he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this
type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather
immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity
to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to
pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good
day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
GAWD i love that!