Rumours, legends and 100% true stories...

[castelnuovo]

...from your service time.

Any army has its legends, rumours and 100% true stories. So here are few from my service time in Yugoslav navy and Croatia

1. The paper guy. In Yugoslavia we had 1 year mandatory service and it was quite hard to get exemption. So, the story goes that this guy was conscripted and every time he saw a piece of paper he would make a mad dash to it, run out of soldier's lineup, dig into the garbage cans picking up papers, unrolling toilet papers, looking at them with mad eyes and them throwing them away saying "this is not my paper". Disciplinary action, punishment...nothing worked. So he was declared insane and discharged. As he was walking towards the barrack's gate with this discharge papers, he was waving them saying "these are the papers I was looking for". Nobody has ever met this guy but "everybody" knows somebody who served with him, for sure, it was done, it is a true story.

2. The motorbike guy. Kind of like the paper guy, he was running randomly around the barracks pretending to ride a motorbike and yelling "vrooom, vrooom". Nobody could stop time doing this at any time of day or night. So he was declared insane and discharged. He run to the gate pretending to ride a motorbike yelling vroom, vroom, parked the bike by the gate and told the guard "now you can ride it home".

3. In Yugoslavia we had four generation of conscripts a year: September, December (sometimes January), March and June. September was the college generation, you start your service in September, finish it in a year, go home and go to your college. The others were for the working people, older then 18-19, employed etc. Now, some years before I was conscripted, the non September generation had their service time extended to 15 months and few years later reversed to 1 year. During my service, there were two rumours: one was that we will have our service time extended too. This one didn't bother me as it was unrealistic to happen. Tens of thousands of us would be 3 moths late for schools which didn't make any sense. But the other one was that we will have our service time shortened, which was, well, why not? So I wrote about this possibility to a buddy of mine who served a year before me. His response was something like this : "Sainthood to hookers, shortening (service time) to soldiers".  This rimes in Croatian, hope it makes sense.

During the Croatian war, countless rumours that US/NATO bombers were on their way to help us, they are attacking Serb positions as we speak, NATO soldiers are coming too any day... All BS...

[tcoat]

[armornutii]

   Has a guy in my squadron, who hated the Navy so much that he literally trued to eat his way out of the service. He wanted to be a spook at the CIA....figured a medical discharge was his way in?? Never knew what happened to him ad I transfered out but wished him best of luck.

[lyle]

Not quite as dramatic, but ....I was unable to serve in the military due to my bad eye. Many years later I was at an airshow with the family and took my son on a ride. In talking with the pilot, I learned I could get a waiver on the bad eye with a check ride of demonstrated ability . Passed it.

ZNot getting a lot of flying time due to cost, so I joined the Civil Air Patrol. This is a civilian aux of the USAF, complete with rank, uniforms, etc. When I left, I was a Major. I was able to accumulate well over 700 hours with them. As you can imagine we had all types of pilots. Two stand out for the wrong reasons.

ONe was an older guy from out in the state. We were doing a SAR practice day and flying out of Bardstown KY all day. We get a phone call that one of our planes (C-172) had busted the commercial airports space and caused a 727 to execute a go-around. Then it wandered off and eventually landed at Elizabethtown some 50 miles south of this airport. He was able to be stopped there (oh, landed the wrong direction, too) corraled, retrieved and flown back to where we were. Never flew a CAP or any a/c again.

Number two was just crazy. He was a genious...in his own mind. questionable pilot, but he managed to pass his checks. Ol' Gene was caught one frosty morning cleaning the windshield of the 172 with a toilet brush. Could not understand why he was stopped. On another occssion, he accused me and another pilot of leaving him standing on the ramp...not true. But I probably would have. Lastly, Mr. Right Stuff was to fly the home-bound leg from London KY to Louisville KY. Easy peasy. Take off from LOZ head about 350 degrees and there you are. Gene took off from LOZ, made a 180 heading SE. After about 10 minutes to give him time to catch it, the Deputy Wing Commander who is an amazing pilot asked him where he was going. Told him that we probably would need to refuel at least one time. Gene was pissed. I think he left the unit after that.

The CAP is a wonderful group, or was as I've not been around them for a while. Great programs for kids and a good way to build time and help out in the community.

[fermis]

True story...

Some years ago, I was walking into Kroger(grocery store) after work. I was wearing camo pants my buddy gave me (USMC V-22 crew chief) and Belleville boots my bro gave me (USMC F-18D WSO).
I hear some guy hollering..."HEY...HEY...Hey man...". The guy is coming at ME. He accuses me of "stolen valor"...because of my pants and boots. Mind you, even back then, I had a beard and long hair. Very nicely, I explained that these are work clothes, given to me...and I'm not even trying to pretend that I served, nor am I trying to get any benefit by wearing said work clothes. This guy was wearing "his" Stetson, Cav hat...so I asked him about his service...

He says he was with 5/9 Air Cav, out of Schofield Bks Hawaii (I'm thinking "Awesome, he knows my Dad and I can facilitate a reunion. What are the odds, that 20 years later, this guy is here too!")...but then continues with he was an Apache pilot and was in the first wave in Desert Storm. I got this sonuvabich!

Me: "So you flew out of Wheeler"? (Wheeler is right "next door" and had the airport. Schofield has no airport)
Him: "No, we flew out of Schofield"
Me: "So...5/9 Cav, eh???...so you know Lt Col Backlund then"?!!!
Him: "Who d'fux that"?
Me: "My Dad...who had command of 5/9 Cav from 89 to 91, at Schofield, when Desert Storm kicked off"
Him: "Uhm...erp...duh...mmmm"
Me: "I know for a fact, 5/9 didn't have Apaches and there were no Apaches in Hawaii at the time, and 5/9 didn't go to Desert Storm"!

 You know that reaction/look dogs have, when you catch them doing something they know they're not supposed to be doing?!!!
I think that guy actually physically shrank as he walked away!!!

"Lose the hat, bud"!!!

[Golikell]

fermis What a full blown @sshole! 


A story that also is 100% true:  the company commander of a mate of mine, asked him to put the Dixi (mobile toilet) on  the CP. And my mate did just that: he put it on top of one of the trucks with shelter! The commander found out at the same time someone came out of the toilet cabin... 

[maverick]

Late 80's I was stationed at NWC China Lake In beautiful Ridgecrest California! That's Inyokern county if your wondering...Buddy of mine(Bob), had a Datsun Fairlady Z. That's a 240/60 Z to us here...Yes It was right hand drive. Bought it in Japan while stationed at Okinawa. Had it shipped home when he came stateside. We were out on the town one night...Drinking and carousing as all sailors do on leave. Now, mind you...This is Ridgecrest. bit of a one...WELL...Maybe two horse town at the time. It did have a movie theater and a Safeway...And a Sears catalog store!!! We were returning from the local watering hole around 0300 hrs. Drive onto base, gate guard passes us through...Bobs driving...Bobs drunk...Good thing the watering hole was a straight shot down Inyokern Blvd. Approximately 3/4 of a mile form the front gate..."Bob" I say, "make sure you stop at the stop signe at the corner of Mitcher street" It's half hidden behind a tree and the Inyo county sherrifs who patrol the base like to hide there and catch people blowing through it. Well...Did I mention, Bobs drunk...His reflexes aren't what they should be at this point...As we rolled through the intersection I happened a glance in Bobs direction to see if Inyo's finest was on duty...Yup, he was. Lights! siren! wig wags and spot lights. Yessir just got me public enemy number one!! Yessir... Soo, Barney Fife approaches my side of the car...Lets remember now... This car is right hand drive...Hand on his side arm, Flashlight in his other hand. Taps on the glass with the flash light (Like I wasn't expecting him to be there) I roll my window down..."Good morning officer...Before I can get out "I'm the passenger" His hand is on the door handle...Which to my relief means its no longer on his side arm...and in a Commanding and authoritative voice(They teach em how to have one at the academy) Officer Fife instructs me to "GET OUT OF THE CAR SMART A#$" Probably because as soon As I rolled my window down he could hear Bob... laughing his ever lovin behind off!! (Because he knows whats coming right?) I figure we will be spending the night in the pokey at this point. As I exit the car and stand up (bob is still dying in the drivers seat) Deputy Fife begins to pontificate on the fact that running a stop signe is no laughing matter. His flash light catches the instrument panel...And the light in deputy Fifes eyes goes on! I actually saw it...CLICK... "You boys been drinking tonight??" ( he is trying to play it off at this point, unsuccessfully thanks to laughing Bob the drunk) "A bit" I said... "Going to the barracks are you" he queries me... "That was the plan...sir" Now mind you...Bob is STILL laughing hysterically in his seat!!! Now Ole Barney Fife here really does not want to do the paperwork on this one...You know how cops are...They will NEVER let him live this down..."Which one of you is drunker!!" he asks. Yeah, he is a bit miffed at this point, I respond with "You really gotta ask!" Deputy Fife instructs me "Get him in the passenger seat! You! drive... Get to the barracks, and don't let me see either of you again...Ever" True story. I swear on my mothers eyes...He followed us to the barracks parking lot and waited and watched as we staggered into the barracks foyer... I had fun in the Navy...So did Bob...Though I think I probably remember more of my time in service than Bob...

[stikpusher]

You can insult the deputy who pulled you over all you like, but he sure could have been one of those letter of the law guys who took Bob to jail for DUI. He cut you guys a big break.

[maverick]

Honestly wasn't trying to be insulting. Was simply trying to inject a bit more humor into an already humorous situation.(I do love a good story) That's all, I have the utmost respect for law enforcement personnel. They do a mostly thankless job, literally deal with the dregs of society on a daily basis. Get respect from their peers and not the brunt of "society". Most come home every day/night...Some don't. They all live with that on their shoulders every time they are on shift. And still have to be mindful when they aren't on duty. I have over the years in my capacity as an armed security agent for a large local firm dealt with law enforcement personnel on many levels. They have always been, as have I. Professional, personable friendly, and some of them have become good friends of mine. My best friend from childhood on up to the present day. Just retired from law enforcement after 25 yrs. God bless him! The last six months, every time we spoke I would remind him to keep his head in the game and not get short timers disease!! Yes the Inyo county sheriffs deputy could have locked us both up that night. (To this day I am surprised he didn't) He was however a bit flustered/caught off guard? by the situation. Ultimately though, I think he too saw the humor in the situation and since we were literally 500 feet from the barracks driveway he decided to let this one pass. And remember. Barney Fife may have been a bit over the top but ultimately he was a person with a good heart and fine moral character not to mention an unwavering loyalty to his close friends... And, Donn Knotts was a hell of a dancer in real life!!! So, I don't think referring to someone as Barney Fief is necessarily an insult. My apologies if the remarks came off as offensive. It was not my intent.
Pete

[stikpusher]

I was a Deputy Sheriff in L.A. County for 31 years, nearly all of it working the streets at patrol stations in the less desirable areas of the county. I saw a lot over those years. Me and desk jobs did not get along. I do like Don Knots as a performer, and his Barney Fife character on the Andy Griffith Show, which was quite funny. But both within the profession and to the general public where I worked, to call a cop a Barney Fife is quite an insult. Basically you're saying that they are somebody who is not anywhere near being up to the job that they somehow hold. You may not have intended to be insulting in your post, however it was. Thank you for explaining where you were coming from in your follow up post.
In thousands of traffic stops that I made over those decades, I can't remember ever pulling over a car with right hand drive... something like that would certainly stand out in memory. They are quite uncommon. Aside from US Mail jeeps, you just don't see them very much. Yes I will agree that the Deputy was likely caught off guard when he realized that it was a right hand drive car.
I also will say, whenever possible, I cut a break to service members, active or reserve, whenever possible... one GI to another. I also saw the carnage that a DUI driver could cause plenty of times, either to themselves, people riding with them in their vehicle, or to random strangers on the hiway. It's a tough judgment call to let someone go in the circumstances that you described, even a short distance from their home. And in todays environment with body cams, dash cams, and departments throwing cops under the bus for such decisions over liability in incidents like yours, thank your lucky stars that it was then and there. It would not likely happen today.

[armornutii]

    I was standing a Quarterdeck watch, on the beach you are posted at the first entrance to a secured area, and we had a rash of " interesting" things happen within our squadron. On day a gentleman in civilian clothes and a partner showed up at my desk, he produced a military ID so I went to sign him in on my watch log. His last name was spelled" Chkyzky" ....being the consumate smartass I asked if I could buy a vowel....this gentleman had no humor and went on to inform me his name was " Smith".  Sensing quickly that my tenious Navy career was on the line I promtptly informed the duty officer he had a visitor coming and let both pass....not sure I ever checked the other dudes ID. Turns out those guys were either NCIS or JAG and were investigating a underage prostitution and drug ring. I considered myself lucky I wasn't rolled up with the people being looked at as I did what sailors do with most of them.